Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I want my innocence back.....
I want you back................
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
so it's all thanda now. good.
somehow it feels like it's the new year that has just started and there's this need to change things, do new things, behave differently, be a better person, set new humble goals for myself. one step at a time.
actually one must start making changes now, so that they are in effect by 1st of January when it's actually the time to put the new resolutions into actions. I take 3 months to start acting on my reallys-imple resolves.
but for now, i don't know what they are :)
hmm... one thing that people universally perceive about me is how selfish and sometimes insensitive i can be towards people who do a lot for me.
i obviously don't agree with that. they think i am very stubborn too. they = people who matter. not random unimportant people.
so what about selfishness and stubbornness? nothing. can't change over night :p
the pajamas that i'm wearing need to be demoted to -- a dusting cloth. seriously.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I had seen a restlessness in his eyes, a kind of passive aggression is his walk, waiting to be unleashed by a split second of a feeling of vengeance. It was then that he started blaming himself for what he was, and what had made him that way.
Every twilight that I'd seen passion frenzy through him, I saw the depths of his soul, manifest themselves into the notes that played of the instrument he chose to play; like a bolt of lightening unleashing the secrets of a dark sky, mobbed by masses of enraged clouds waiting to wage a war with the earth. Often I'd seen that rage trance into a melancholic, benevolent call for hope with faith hidden in its soft, low keys that tried to keep his belief in happy endings from turning into dust, that would soon settle down with the pitter-patter of a rainfall of tears he wasn't allowed to cry anymore. Morbidity had become a part of his world, and happiness only a visitor that never stepped through the doorway of his mind.
He longed, he craved. He hoped, he prayed.
He was stone for those who would never know. They were right, or so I liked to believe. Seeing him, I knew that stones could be cracked; they could be engraved upon, only to leave scars and words as good as what we liked to believe eternity meant.
After all, we're all human at the end of the day...
After all he's only human...
Saturday, October 16, 2010
But another popular school of thought goes likes this, "whatever happens, happens for the good." Well that sounds good when you're advising someone or trying to help someone out of their grievance. But to hear that for yourself, that aint acceptable..
Thursday, September 30, 2010
I wonder why some people cross the road like they are strolling in the park. Is it the joy of feeling that they are invincible?? If they are thinking that way, then I have deep sympathies for them. I remember I was taught how to cross the road, when I was very young, for my safety (and of those who travel on the road).
First you look on your right and then left and then right. Once you are sure that there are no vehicles coming, then you cross the road with a brisk pace.
I wonder if it is that difficult or if it is so much of an exercise that it drains them of their energy!!
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To show to humans, how it is done!!
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
But what came with it is the most unwelcome accessory. What came to safeguard the object mightier than the sword, had made the pen (and the mortals using it) to bow down in resignation.
By the way, I?m speaking about the pen-cap.
This small sheath of plastic (or metal) has turned out to be a pen wielder?s nightmare. Personally, I believe that its real job comes more in the line of getting lost and be sworn at when found hours later. Apart from one?s temper, this happens to be the object that one tends to lose most of the time. I feel that it is not getting due respect nowadays (no that it used to, earlier). Anyway, treat it with respect and you may be sure that you?ll be left alone (pun unintended). This is in connection with what happens scores of times, but is usually blamed on something else. You are writing something furiously. It turns out to be a Herculean piece of work for a human. After some minutes of labouring, you feel tired and want to give it a break. Incidentally, you happen to be writing with a fountain pen (one of those affairs which tend to throw up, or get dried up, if left unattended for long). Suddenly you realise that the wicked cap is missing. It is not on the floor, nor is it on the pen or on any part of you. Fed up, you put everything aside and get up.
The cap falls out of your lap and makes a dive for the floor. Invariably, it bounces up and vanishes into thin air.
An hour is spent in searching for it, and finally, you manage to find another (ill-fitting) cap and shut the pen up with it. Next morning, you find the old one lying beside you on the bed, smirking away.
The resulting storm of abuses does no good. The pen?s cap is the evil that needs to be looked after; the pen?s best friend and the fragile nib?s bodyguard.
Not to mention, a constant source of frustrated exercise.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Thursday, September 2, 2010
u trusted . u expected. u believed. u loved. and now...U feel STUPID.
u discuss it day in n day out...it zaps so much of yr time and energy ....those memories keep you grounded on square one! you keep loitering aimlessly in the past...in "what IFs and If ONLYs"
self pitying...self sympathising...the poor..victimised you...
someone mentions "that person" and ure quick to fly off the handle...you abuse..u mutter..u grumble..and plunge back into memories and blurt out: "i have snapped all connections with that wretched"
[o really??? ure not texting...u arent calling...not emailing...not meetin face to face..but wat bout the daily mental encounters?
theres so much of excess baggage in your mind..the more you resist...it persists...
is self pity the only way out?
is discussing about it 24/7 the way to "forget" it??
is making them a regular visitor in yr mind space the way to let go??
today is the time to put a full stop....to their daily visits to yr mind...to signal a "no-entry" to these unwelcome peace disrupting visitors...the time to open your tightly clutched fist to experience the beauty of let go....
and then there will be ONE day..you will be immune.
free in the truest sense of the word...
so even you bang into "that" person...ure unaffected.
that state of indifference...where there isnt space for hatred..avenge...anger....nothing!
that person is now an acquaintance of the past..
their memories no longer control u..coz now u control their entry n exit in that privileged honoured corner of yr mind...
u cease to clamour..crib..complain...coz now u learn to let go...u learn to be free:)
As I saw a young charming woman ride past on a kinetic, I skipped a beat for a moment as happens to me every time like any normal human being. But then I moved to the same abnormal question trying to contemplate what all thoughts must be going through her mind right now. Was she thinking about the fight she had with her best friend or was she thinking about the excuse to make to her parents for going on a movie with her boyfriend.
How I wished, I was that guy.
But again pulling back myself from these fantasies, I saw around, a microcosm of humanity, all moving here and there with their own purposes and their own convictions.
And this is the thought which sends a shiver down my spine. This is the one thought which has been recurring over and over again from past few weeks and this is the one thought that Kate Winslet puts succinctly in the movie Revolutionary Road when she says to her husband, played byLeonardo DiCaprio, “Look at us. We're just like everyone else. We've bought into the same, ridiculous delusion.”
Just like I am philosophising about everything, was that young lad on his bicycle, also pondering over it. Moreover, what about that old man? How many times in his life, he must have thought about this. Or did he ever care?
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Childhood is the most colourful phase of one’s life. We learn by making mistakes. We grow mature gradually, not abruptly. It’s the carefree time of our life. When we have real hobbies passions and dreams. Sadly, that’s all changing.
In earlier days, life was never controlled by tests, tuitions, exams and such things. Parents had time for their children. Life wasn’t all about getting a job in a big company with a big pay cheque. People pursued what they liked. Intelligence wasn’t counted by which college you got into. Children behaved like children, with thirst for knowledge.
Nowadays childhood has a different meaning altogether. It’s dominated by being the smartest, tuitions, hobby classes, peer pressure and what not. Childhood is now a complicated phase.
The ‘intention’ behind pushing the children hard is to ‘nurture’ them to face the competitive world. Developing talent is not a sin; it will help the child in his future. It is a trickledown effect from the kind of competition experienced for entry into engineering colleges, graduation and others. Today’s world demands ordinary people with extra skills to survive. As Darwin`s theory says-natural selection or in other words survival of the fittest.
The basic needs of childhood are, time to play, place to play and explore the world through his eyes. In the name of competition we are raising fatigued, stressed, and overburdened children with no sound moral values. The stress is resulting into children engaging in all kinds of derogative acts.
Competition is such that today`s world demands good grades in schools, colleges to get a good job to earn their living. Competition is the need of the hour, we can`t deny that but what is worrying is the fact that parents push their children to their limits which makes children’s life tougher. Parents need to understand that everyone has different capabilities. Every individual has a special quality. Instead of encouraging that skill, parents want their children to achieve what they themselves couldn’t achieve.
Today parents don`t have time for their children to listen to them. Teachers demand work within a short period of time. So it makes students life tougher. And then we have tuitions as we need ‘extra skills’ to get through competitive examinations apart from regular classes in school. And what make matters worse are higher expectations from parents and teachers alike. Parents and teachers force students to take part in extracurricular activities which in turn increases load on children.
In the name of making the Education System more student-friendly, the students are actually made to bear more stress. The teacher-student relationship is now warped. The insecure student’s mind is now more than confused. Bundled up with an emotional dilemma with the pressure of performing well, the students eventually burn out. Their identity is lost.
Instead what the education system should do is train the teachers such that the student-teacher rapport is impeccable. Exams are important, yes. They make you able to face failures. But that does not mean exams should be made such a big issue that students commit suicide when their results don’t meet their parents expectations.
People should also understand that stress management is not a subject that can be taught. Children burdened with such high expectations are also expected to ‘handle’ pressure well enough. But what would an 11 year-old know about what is stress?
Peer pressure has been present since earlier times. But now suddenly it has become an important issue. More so because the peer pressure now is not as healthy as it should be. The only question that arises is: Is being better than your neighbour’s/relative’s/friend’s child would imply that the child in question is intelligent?
Here come the so-called Reality Shows. The reality shows on TV show how much a child has been put through and how broken he/she becomes. That’s another thing that bothers children-the inability to perform, or in other words, the fear of failure. The young and impressionable mind is now also a diffident mind. Parents fight on camera saying their child has been voted out due to favoritism, whereas they should be with their child and telling him or her that it’s okay to fail and should boost their confidence.
It is true that competition is growing day by day but childhood is the age for playing, making friends, etc. Of course, things are changing and CBSE has taken the right step by providing Board exams as optional for students and introducing grading system that may reduce the stress among students. But the main step should be taken by parents by giving their children care and guidance at home. It’s time they open their eyes to see their children yearning for their love. Teachers can make studies more entertaining by taking real life examples and interacting more with students to give them the comfort they want.
It’s not really the children’s fault; after all, they just observe what goes on around them…….
Monday, July 12, 2010
making my journey from the beginning of the crossed lines
Saturday, July 3, 2010
Thursday, July 1, 2010
My values have changed,I have imbibed arrogance,even a tinge of manipulation or diplomacy
And now I yearn to go back to my roots.I want to go back to being a simple vulnerable guy who was capable of crying when it hurt.A child who's innocence shone right through his face.
A man who viewed world in just two hues,black or white,right or wrong,moral or immoral. I know the line between the two blurs as we grow up with realities of everyday life.Come to think of it,I didnt even go through transient phase of dilemma, the transition just happened.
I learnt the rules of survival pretty quick.
Everything around is available for 'exchange',everything is quantifiable,there's a cost benefit analysis preceding every decision of mine.I think solely in terms of my gain,my pleasure.
And yet there's no sense of guilt even though I have almost put a price tag on my body and soul while chasing materialism shamelessly.Rationality has superceded my emotionality...I ll keep in touch with a friend only if he/she does,otherwise am as busy as he/she is.And yet being part of this multitude,I dont miss friendship.I miss love though.
Even though my faith has dwindled and I ve witnessed enough infidelity,there's something that makes me want to believe in fairy tales,in virtues of trust and committment...you know the kind of romance that is practically unheard of these dayse,one that survives years of separation and distance and is still flaming.
I want to distill my soul, wipe away the blemishes,undo the hurt and rekindle the faith.I dont want to be soaked in succulence of momemtary pleasure,that gives me an illusion of being sucked up inside a black hole,like a flight into the unknown,where even if I grople for truth,I wont find any.
Can I go back to being untouched?Untarnished?Unadulterated?Unhurt by toxic veracity...can I free myself??