Friday, December 2, 2011

INTOLERANT. WHO ? ME???!!!!





The media in all its self-righteous glory and with an insatiable appetite for debate, pounced on the news of a mentally deranged man slapping Sharad Pawar. One slap from a publicity hungry youth had the media in a tizzy. “Are Indians becoming intolerant?” every channel asked indignantly. Hell hath no fury like a politician scorned. That the media continued playing clips of the unfortunate incident on the sidelines, even as they discussed the topic is another matter. How could ‘your channel’ disappoint the viewer who came in late and was unable to see the thappad footage? So they continued replaying the thappad footage, a la Ekta Kapoor’s serial, and milked the issue just as Harvinder ji wanted. 

Firstly, shoes flying in the air are a global phenomenon and labeling all Indians as ‘intolerant’ is a sweeping thought. Though undesirable, pelting footwear is a symbol of suppressed anger and simmering resentment. After killing thousands and maiming innocents allegedly in search of non-existent weapons of mass destruction, one shoe hurled at George Bush, though objectionable was inconsequential.  

Back home, attacks on Bhushan and Kejriwal were politically motivated. With several misguided youth willing to smash jaws and clench paws either for publicity or moolah, personal attacks cannot be the premise for labeling all Indians ‘intolerant’. The attackers of Bhushan were product of a political system of patronage, who ostensibly got enraged at his Kashmir referendum remarks. If asked to donate blood for injured Kashmiris, will these young people come forward? I doubt it. Attack on Bhushan in the presence of cameras reeked of opportunism by an inconsequential political outfit which should be criticized, not the average Indian.

The attack on Rajesh Talwar and Ruchika Girotra’s molestor cop outside court premises were also the handiwork of one mentally challenged youth, who should have been under the watchful eyes of Delhi Police. Both acts cannot be used to paint all Indians with one brush.

Status message of my renowned writer friend said, “Ek hi tha, but solid tha boss”. Many educated liberal Indians expressed glee as allegedly one of the most corrupt politician was assaulted. Intellectuals on television were concerned about this very glee which people evinced. If you keep slapping the aam admi on one cheek, don’t expect him to offer the other cheek all the time. Let us be clear that the glee did not originate from a dramatic erosion of morals. The glee was a symptom of the malaise of decades of suppression of the public opinion, of lasting frustration and simmering resentment. Having said that, I agree that expression of glee at a seasoned politician being slapped was misplaced.

 Okay, so if one deranged man committed the offence of slapping Mr. Pawar, shouldn’t Pawar have reined in his party workers from burning public property after the incident? But he preferred to keep silent and let his rough-neck squads do the talking. That was intolerance. With the opening of FDI in retail, Uma Bharti’s comment, “I will personally lead a mob and torch malls” transgressed all limits of tolerance. She was not  told to zip up by her party. Ms Bharti is known for her intolerant comments, “Ek dhakka aur do” but since she is our leader, she can presumably get away for inciting passions. When Mamata Banerjee stormed a police station and created ruckus, it was an act of 'intolerance'. When chairs and mikes flew in J&K assembly, the actions smacked of intolerance. When Jitin Prasada kicked a protester at Rahul Gandhi’s rally, he was being intolerant. 
The odor of intolerance if any emanates from the political cesspool. Before calling the average Indian intolerant, it behooves our leaders to examine their blooming political gardens.

The average Indian shows signs of intolerance only when he indulges in road rage,  abuses his wife, or when he bashes up others. A detailed study can show whether such cases have increased over the years, before we can debate and conclude that Indians have become intolerant.

As for the common man, he tolerates a tight slap of power cuts, bumpy roads, civic apathy, comatose governance, prevalent corruption, political opportunism, price rise etc., day in and day out. Even when it goes beyond his threshold levels. Yet  he smiles and hopes that one day “sab theek ho jayega” (all will be well). 
If anything, the common man should be applauded for his tolerance and not branded as intolerant.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Pretentious Reality Realizes Pretense

And then, you realize nothing is worth it after all... people are pretentious and life itself a pretense...

When you wake up in the morning and look at yourself in the mirror... what does it reflect? It is simply an image of yourself, that image which you want to show to the world, the image that suits your needs, the one which is nothing but a facade, a phantasm of what you pretend to be...
A few days back, I entered a restroom wherein I encountered a distorted face staring hard at me... as I moved closer the face grew more and more malformed...Sullen, Smudged, Scratched, and Scarred... that face was my own...When I looked at myself in the broken shards of the mirror...it was only then that I really found myself, my identity, my true self, my reality.

Who am I in reality? The society categorizes me in the shackles of different tags... but I do not want such designations and identifications... I am what I believe I am... and unless and until I do not accept the fact that life is like the broken shards of a mirror, I can do nothing but lie to myself... Pretense has to be identified,realized and replaced with reality...the reality which is difficult to accept gets transformed into pretense and then erupts the vicious circle of a never ending masquerade...

The purpose of life is not just the pursuit of happiness but its fulfillment... Every little thing in life has its essence, its inner beauty which illumines the outer... all we need to do is realize its importance and start valuing it... the garb of pretense needs to be discarded completely to renew our lives with reality... A reality which breathes fresh air even in the environment of polluted pretense!





Thursday, October 13, 2011

Change Me


Take this glow off my eyes
the sparkle & shine
from the depths of my dreams
and make it fade.
Take these lines on my hands
& the way they burn with my faith
in what tomorrow may bring
and cross them till they can't be read
Take this depth of my heart
and its ocean of wait
and fill it with your truth
not your lies
or deceit
Undo yourself from the spaces of my mind
from the corners and the walls and the rooms inside me
pick these pieces
of your laugh; of your smile
like your bags
Take yourself, and leave
Undo yourself
and all that I know of you
And if you can't
then just somehow
Change me.




Thursday, September 29, 2011

Try...Losing Track..... Try..

Try it. I never thought it'd be fun, but seriously, try it.

Try forgetting about passing time. Try not looking at the clock for one day. It's such an ingrained habit now. How many minutes till I've to get up? Snooze, snooze again. 5 more minutes? How much time do I have before my van comes? Is it time for class now? Dude, tell me the time. How long till this period is over? How long till school ends?! 10 minutes, 15 minutes. An hour, two hours. You're counting.

When will I get home? I don't have enough time to sleep. Only half an hour for tv? Give me ten minutes, I need a quick shower. We can't be out for too long, I've to come back and study. We've been out for hours, let's go back already. Oh my God, how am I gonna study in such less time? Oh my God its midnight already. Still got so much to do. 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 3 hours. You're still counting.

Last night, I sat in the garden with my parents. It was light's out, all over the neighbourhood. Pitch black everywhere. The only thing visible was a lone star, and the moon's reflection on my father's face. My mother shifted in her chair and her shadow was opaque. She looked up, and I looked up, and dad looked up. Everything was silent, but not the uncomfortable silence. The beautiful one.

Last night, I lost track of time. I couldn't remember what day it was, what month. I even forgot the year. I had stuff to do. But I was sitting there, listening to my dad tell a funny story, listen to mom laugh. And there was moonlight and the sound of crickets and the smell of flowers in the air, and I didn't care about anything else.

Last night, I couldn't remember the passing hours. I wasn't counting the seconds till something began or something ended. It's a be there thing. You've to be there, to really feel it.

Try it, losing track of time. Try, for one day, not knowing the exact second, and how many have passed by. They become sweeter than you think.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

lets fly...... ???!!!.....


Source



I know I don’t really know you, and you don’t know me. I understand that on the basis of connection that we have we can only call each other acquaintances. And whatever we share is something that we can easily share with any other complete stranger, without the fear of being judged, because we fear that we might end up judging each other if we shared our minds.


I know who you are on the surface, but I don’t know what is your greatest fear, what is your biggest wish, what do you dream about when you are asleep, who is the first person you think of when you wake up, who is the last person on your mind before you drift into your sleep, what are your plans, where do you see yourself in next 5 years, your favorite color, do you like chocolates too? Which flavor of ice cream do you order for yourself?


And then I realize that apart from your name and a few flimsy details, I know nothing about you at all. And I am not making any efforts to move ahead, nor I ever will, maybe I could have another friend, since all those that I have/had are busy with their own lives, so I need someone who is as free as I am.


Would you like to be?


I doubt that!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

Life And After

Iv been toying with this idea for long now…. A lotta ppl actually speak of this whole white bright light coming out of an unknown source luring them into the unforeseen. What could this light be..? a misconception or just another heavenly call saying your duties on my planet are over.?!
Life after death seems a sure mystery to one too many on this planet dat I so lovingly call EARTH.. many proclaim it to be round and spherical oblate and stuff. But I guess the world comes around to exactly the same point where it all started… a sphere or a square… all the diagonals seem to kinda ring concurrency to a point of illogical coincidence…. The SAME.!!
We talk about the life now and the life after death.. heaven and hell to be precise.. but temme one thing.. don’t u find it really intriguing to wonder if uv actually got heaven and hell on this sweet lil planet of ours…?
This brings us to another point of debate which id love to call perception.! A white light, d human way of life, a square, a spherical oblate.. all of this does lead to sumthin as imaginary as the equator or the wind or god for that matter. It’s the same side of the coin that u actually believe exists…. U cant feel it… but u know its there.
I aint creatin a blog for blasphemy here. All m tryin to put across is imagination is a canvas for vivid portrayal of the human emotions, but how many of us actually look up2 wot is true and wot Is not? Seems really nonsensical… if there is a word like that.
But again when we actually get our cerebrum to think about the life after death, one mite wonder where did the whole law of energy not being destroyed go for hitchhiking.?!
Standin unto the law of physics wouldn’t seem like a lack of brilliance or an absence of vaccum for me.! Coz for millions of years people think that Death seems to end the very purpose of existence of a human life. Wot if there was another side to it..? a Brighter side. I aint preaching the positives of death here . Just tryin to view this as another one of those idiotic perceptions I guess.. heheheh.
Wot if Death was just another form of life.?!
Wot if Death was one thing that transformed the whole view of life.?!
And finally to the million DOLLAR question.. wot if AFTERLIFE was just another journey into the unknown.?!
So finally it comes down to this… Wot could afterlife probably unravel!?
A Life of unforeseen activities kinda brings us humans to this crossroad which goes to sumplace better. Its always been within humans to look up2 sumthing dat was way better than the state they are in now. Like wise men say “ Its human to want more” and so true .
Well how much would life baffle u if it speaks back to you and says. Uv lived me, now what if I live u.?! The “it” I was referring to earlier is “LIFE”. Would you give it a chance.?!
How does it sound when sumbody would actually tell u , the life u r living is jus a form of energy and nothing else.. Its like you are in transit.. U got a Visa… but u aint havin a residential one. You can walk rite thru it but cannot live it to your will.?!
An Energy say sum cannot be destroyed but can only be transformed from one form to another.?
True.?! Probably…. Or Probably not.!..
Id second the first one nevertheless, coz u always kinda keep upgrading to what you have been in this very second.! Looking up sounds like philosophy.!?
Think bout living your life in a cycle which is the exact reverse of what you have been taught life is all about.?! Tracing back ur life rite from when uv been In your times ppl call “ Childhood revamped” to your actual “Childhood” , id say nebody wishes to live two years in the past from now.! Did the feel of Energy being dissipated ever strike you… the normal way.?!
Whims of a mind travellin fathoms in the night say some.
Brightness of the day say many so done.
Wouldn’t stop the humans so Grand
This is life and afterlife thus so Bland.!
As I would see it, the law signifyin ” Energy cannot be destroyed. It can Jus be transformed from one form to another” stays strong. We Come into the world in one particularly distinct form, we live our lives out as another particular form, we cease to exist in another and v leave this abode in search of a better craft in yet another form. Thus our existence , has always been a source of inspiration to other forms of energy, be it human, animal or any other entity for that matter.! Thus Live it Up. Every Atom speaks a million words. Alive or Quasi-Alive or in another world.!
A small little ball of energy which goes all the way from rite when u were born till when u cease to exist to when ur in a totally different world.! This is the Life and the Eternal life that I would be drafting for me.! Any Takers.?!
CheerS!

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

An Open Letter to Every One Who is Opposing Janlokpal Bill and Anna Hazare.....................


Today in India many educated Indian citizens are opposing the Janlokpal Bill?

Do you know How India got the right to information act?

Anna Hazare gave us Indians the right to information Act.

Today why Ministers are in Jail?


Not because government wanted or police wanted only when Supreme Court showed anger everyone started to work?

Why we do not have the right to know the names of Black Money owners?

Few people say that Prime Minister should not come under Lokpal?

Why not?
Can you guarantee that we will never get the bad and corrupt prime minister of India?

Do you know Directive Principals of Indian Constitution?

Those are supposed to be laws of India not just guidelines?

Do you know Supreme Court of India ordered Police Reform?
If yes then do you know which political party or government implemented it?

Do you know many countries got Prime Minister under Lokpal?

Do you know Prime Minister comes under the prevention of Corruption Act and income tax law?

Do you know as per Indian Constitution we got equality before the law?

Do you know Janlokpal Bill or did you read it?
An ordinary citizen can also demand the removal of Lokpal.

Few People say we got already laws so we do not need them?
Just think why they are not implemented?

Reason is simple uncontrolled powers enjoyed by Politicians.

Do you know if any person files a wrong case he will get fined or jailed?

Lokpal will be team of 11 members.

Now Please tell me what is wrong in Janlokpal Bill?

Read, Understand and then talk.

About which Parliament you are talking?

The parliament in which criminals are sitting?

Why politicians do not make laws which will ban them from contesting elections.

Why there is delay in every case?

The reason is simple Read and Understand the Legal History of India.

British made the laws to benefit the British queen and British people.

British left India They passed the law Transfer of Power then we got Independence.

After that the ruler got changed but our system remained same benefiting the rulers.

What British People did not do it our own Indians did it?

Just compare how much British Looted and How much our Indians looted in 64 Year?

India got robbed more than British rule in its own Indian rule.

What is wrong in demanding good and strict laws?

Do you remember Gandhi and Dr. Babasaheb Pact?

Our system of laws is making every Indian Corrupt we are not corrupt.

Thus the time has come to change the system and bring good laws, strict laws and accountability on politicians, retirement age for politicians, negative voting, police reforms and many more

As in Last 64 Years we got nothing.

What ever India got it happened because of Supreme Court of India or the people like Anna Hazare fought with government.


Do not be a slave of political Machinery
Learn to think and ask WHY corruption is rising?

Don’t you feel ashamed that our India ranks higher in corruption Index?
Do you know any person in India who has not paid the bribe?

Even giving the pack of sweets to government officer is a bribe.

Just open your eyes and understand the situation

If Janlokpal Bill is passed by government it will reduce the corruption more than 70% in few years.

If government lokpal Bill is passed remember corruption will increase it wont get decrease. Not single percent will get reduced.

Support Janlokpal Bill 

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Empty....

He understood loneliness.
The way it ate up his insides.
The way it gnawed away at everything in his mind and heart.
He knew the great, black, gaping, yawning chasm.
The open mouthed cave of dense darkness that swallowed him up every now and then.
He drifted with it, knowing there's no escape.
Smiled a little, accepting that this was who he was.
This was a part of him.
The nagging, throbbing pain in his heart.
He shook his head, laughed a bit. He knew his heart couldn't hurt, but it felt like it did. It could. It was.
He lifted his head, gazed out at the deep, dark water in front of him.
Still.
Calm.
Dark.
The way he was, inside.
The cold numbness that drowned out any warmth. All light.

All night.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

The way it is..... Has been.... will be....

sometimes when u think you know all there is to know, you are wrong - always. when u think you have everything perfectly planned out, life takes an unexpected turn and shows you you're no different than the millions of people you read about whose lives take unexpected turns - you think certain things can never happen to you, things so remote they can only happen to people you read about or see on tv.

and then you figure you out all is not over. plums still taste as heavenly as they ever have and the wind on your face still feels as amazing as it did when you felt like you ruled the world - even if you feel lost and uncertain with a bitter sense of how wrong you can be, the weather just before it rains is as dreamy as ever. the colors of that random bunch of flowers by the road, pink, blue, purple, yellow, so bright and vibrant are like love to your eyes. you want to stare at 'em and absorb it all - but then the car you're sitting in rushes past those, giving you just a glimpse of what you want way more now, what you never noticed before.

you discover after two decades, in fact, appreciate truly, the power that the words spoken by your parents hold. and so somehow you smile in the face of adversity, as it somehow makes you aware and thankful of the blessings you've had all your life but were too blind to fully see.

and as you keep moving on, with a feeling that all is not well, you figure out that you still have to keep moving on. and whether all turns out well or not - even then you keep moving on. the heart wants but if it can't get, you don't deny any more - just accept. 

your breath can still be taken away. and you are who you are......






Sunday, July 3, 2011

Life Happens........

Every time you leave someone behind or they decide to quit on you, things don't remain the same. There's always a change - sometimes a major change or sometimes just a minor one which you brush off. Whether you miss these people from your life or not, they change you in a certain way and then they come back to you in pieces, years after they are gone. Some come in dreams, others come in places, a few in songs here and there, and many on occasions and festivals.

Here is the interesting thing about life: It kicks you down, in fact it kicks you while you are down. It brutally bashes you and breaks your bones - one at a time - so that you do not miss out on the pain. Life is not a disaster, it is a slow torture. But just when you think that you cannot go on any longer, and life is convinced that you have given up, it brings you flowers and tend to your wounds and helps you get up on your feet only to knock you down some other time.



 At the end of it all, it is such a humbling experience.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Camouflage I


Back in those days, I lived under one such dark camouflage. Bright and sunny by the sunlight, like a many-hued everyday-happy story but a simmering grey under the moon-light, one which varied in intensity depending on the lunar cycle, depending on how closely you went to look at.

Those nights I felt like a sinner, one who had been marked for life, repentance or no repentance. I did live as if in penance, at least in my mind, but it wasn't helping my guilt. I looked around and wondered how nobody else could see it in my eyes and find out who I was. A killer, a murderer. Some nights I felt justified about my actions; my mind argued for hours the rationale, the defense. Some nights, the weight of my deeds crushed my soul and tears couldn't wash away the uncontrollable pain. Most of all there was the weight of what I had hoped and expected myself to be, and what I now thought I had become.
There were moments when I felt grateful to be free, uncaught, yet sometimes all I could wish for was to be able to confess to someone, for someone to find out and kill me. I had taken more than one life - I couldn't be the same person I used to be any longer. Emotionally, I was scarred.

And yet, I managed to survive the phase perfectly well under my camouflage. It seems remarkable how my old self became my camouflage that kept the world at bay, that kept the mornings boring till the phase - and the war inside me - ended. Back in those days...

Who am I kidding - fact is I still live under a camouflage. Probably always have. So much that I don't know if there is a real me at all after all these years hiding somewhere beneath the multiple layers........ :) 

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Decisions.....No?????!!! :) :)


It's so confusing, sad, and hurting when people turn into our weaknesses. I mean...there isn't anything to be done about it. Or maybe there is for the sane ones. But what do the emotional, sentimental ones do?

I was talking to a friend while she mentioned the two kinds of emotions, based on her experience. One kind involves extremely superficial ones like putting a facebook status about something or putting up a picture to let the 'world' know about what you feel. And then there are those silent ones, which stay deep within you - the ones that make you sulk and cry in pain. I don't know if that's judgmental and derogatory of the ones who use facebook as a tool to spread their sad state of affairs and seek attention. The reality of the matter is there are people who actually do it and get away with being all 'I'm the hurt one'.

But the people with dominant latter emotions suffer not just at the hands of people who are their weaknesses, but also at the hands of everyone else. Sometimes it makes so much sense as to why our parents begin to get apprehensive when they notice us being attached to a new friend. It's perhaps the fear of getting hurt in the end. But then..I don't know. I think I am too ambivalent about everything - which sometimes is actually good because I am less judgmental. But sometimes, it literally kills. Like really. Because you're just one step back from making a decision, which might or might not, change the course of your entire life. But then THE ambivalence takes over and makes all your analysis hazy.

But then I think should we really make decisions based on our 'analysis'. I could never understand what's going with the flow and how it works. I have to know. I can't just function with the flow. The ones who can, make me envious of their wisdom. Aah.

Here goes another post to a senseless rant. But I'm happy. At least, it's not excruciatingly sad like most posts that I remember writing in similar state of mind. Maybe I'm getter wiser...or learning to care less, which would be wiser..or maybe not.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

F-A-I-T-H................ less...........


I want to find my purpose, my direction, my path, the path which I have lost because of this transformation into someone I can’t recognize. I am clueless about my life and writing everything down is just an attempt to grab one end out of the tangled up strings which would lead me towards a direction.
I have been through this metamorphoses sort of phase, which has converted me into some entirely new person; I cannot say whether I like it this way or not, or if I am still looking for my old self somewhere.
The old me is still hiding somewhere inside of me, very much intact, but I am constantly denying it, only because I can’t bring myself back.
Somewhere inside of me, I still seek company, I still look for someone to be by my side in the hour of need, sometimes I still cry my heart out like old times, but then I just shut myself and go into this denial that I can be on my own.
Living without a direction is difficult, especially when you can’t find your directions in your faith, because the unanswered questions in your mind demand an answer, a justification, a reason, and when this does not happen, you are deprived of your faith

Monday, March 7, 2011

What do u do when.......??!!!!

You stand back and lean on your dirty shovel, wiping sweat off your forehead with the back of your free hand and stare at the patch of freshly upturned earth a few paces ahead. The deed is done.

And then, one day, your hard work pays off. The vivid green finger of the seed you had sown pokes out of the soil, extending day by day as it struggles to touch the sky. You immediately begin nurturing it. Soon, it unfurls a leaf, and then another one and then one more.

But things begin to go wrong.

You watch in horror as the seedling, tainted by the touch of some fell force, begins to transform into something twisted. Sharp spines and midnight black thorns sprout all over it until it seems jagged enough to cut the very air surrounding it. It grows - fast - but at odd, horribly contorted angles. The flowers it sends out in the dead of winter are dark red, black even, and give off the unmistakable, metallic stench of blood.

What do you do?

What do you do when you begin to grow into wrong sort of person, the kind of person you never wished to become??????!!!!!!!!!!!..............

Saturday, February 5, 2011

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!


MAY U LIVE ALL THE DAYS OF YOUR LIFE.............. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!! :) :)

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

FIVE MINUTES.............

"Hello"
"Hi!How have you been?"
"Are you free?"
"Yes, why? What happened? Are you Ok?"
"I just need five minutes."
"Tell me na! What happened?"
"Please, can you give me five minutes?"
"Of course! Why are you upset?I am worried now! What..."
"Please don't say anything. Just be silent. I can't say anything."
"But..."
"Am I asking too much of you? I just want you to be on the other side of the phone. If telling would have helped I would have done that long before."

"Are you crying? Why! Please tell me, I want to know..."
"Kahaa na, five minutes please. Stay with me."
"You are crying like hell and you want me to stay silent? What happened?"
"I beg you, please...don't ask anything."



five minutes



"Ok Bye. I will talk to you later."

"But..."

---------------------------------------------beep!
"The subscriber you are trying to reach has switched off his mobile. Please try again later."


For all those countless "five minutes". They once helped me make it through the nights.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

An year passes & I look back.......

And another one bites the dust. We are one year older, one year wiser and one year uglier than we were last year. 

This was an important year. More important than I had imagined earlier. I did so much. I broke my heart twice. I failed and succeed. I wrote obsessively. I scored. I prayed. I hated. I traveled.I infatuated myself with a stranger. I left friends behind. I moved to strange lands. I experimented with my sanity. I gave up on forever. 

Would I do it all over again if I get a chance? Probably not. Some seasons should never come back and this was one of those seasons. 

But I've learned a lot this year. I learned that things don't always turn out the way you planned, or the way you think they should, and it is not necessarily a bad thing.  And I've learned that there are things that go wrong that don't always get fixed or get put back together the way they were before. I've learned that good people also hurt you - no matter how good they are, at some point they are bound to hurt you too and its alright. I've learned that relationships are fickle. They should not be measured by how long you have known someone, but how deeply you have cared. And if you have truly cared for someone even for a minute, it is worth the thousand lives you are going to live without them. I've learned that some broken things stay broken, and I've learned that you can get through bad times and keep looking for better ones, even when you don't have people who love you. 

 And now I stand here in this strange city, in this awful weather, trying to figure out a direction. There are no familiar faces around to guide me, no matter how hard I try to look for them, but I know why that is. They are not supposed to be here. Its my time to get up myself and figure it out. Otherwise I will never learn. 

But the good news is that once I get up and put myself together, work up the courage to turn the corner of the street I had been looking at for such a long time now, I will bump into a stranger, we will smile at each other and somehow all will be well again. Its only a matter of getting up and turning around that corner. I know I'm still a little bent, a little crooked, but I can't complain. After bearing through all kinds of abuses this year and crashing into dead ends and living through overdoses, I feel better now than I did five years ago. I might have some scar tissue, but that's alright, I'm still making progress. I hope you are too. 

So, here's to another year of kicking and struggling and loving, and working up the nerve to take that turn and find out what's around that corner.