Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Empty....

He understood loneliness.
The way it ate up his insides.
The way it gnawed away at everything in his mind and heart.
He knew the great, black, gaping, yawning chasm.
The open mouthed cave of dense darkness that swallowed him up every now and then.
He drifted with it, knowing there's no escape.
Smiled a little, accepting that this was who he was.
This was a part of him.
The nagging, throbbing pain in his heart.
He shook his head, laughed a bit. He knew his heart couldn't hurt, but it felt like it did. It could. It was.
He lifted his head, gazed out at the deep, dark water in front of him.
Still.
Calm.
Dark.
The way he was, inside.
The cold numbness that drowned out any warmth. All light.

All night.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

The way it is..... Has been.... will be....

sometimes when u think you know all there is to know, you are wrong - always. when u think you have everything perfectly planned out, life takes an unexpected turn and shows you you're no different than the millions of people you read about whose lives take unexpected turns - you think certain things can never happen to you, things so remote they can only happen to people you read about or see on tv.

and then you figure you out all is not over. plums still taste as heavenly as they ever have and the wind on your face still feels as amazing as it did when you felt like you ruled the world - even if you feel lost and uncertain with a bitter sense of how wrong you can be, the weather just before it rains is as dreamy as ever. the colors of that random bunch of flowers by the road, pink, blue, purple, yellow, so bright and vibrant are like love to your eyes. you want to stare at 'em and absorb it all - but then the car you're sitting in rushes past those, giving you just a glimpse of what you want way more now, what you never noticed before.

you discover after two decades, in fact, appreciate truly, the power that the words spoken by your parents hold. and so somehow you smile in the face of adversity, as it somehow makes you aware and thankful of the blessings you've had all your life but were too blind to fully see.

and as you keep moving on, with a feeling that all is not well, you figure out that you still have to keep moving on. and whether all turns out well or not - even then you keep moving on. the heart wants but if it can't get, you don't deny any more - just accept. 

your breath can still be taken away. and you are who you are......






Sunday, July 3, 2011

Life Happens........

Every time you leave someone behind or they decide to quit on you, things don't remain the same. There's always a change - sometimes a major change or sometimes just a minor one which you brush off. Whether you miss these people from your life or not, they change you in a certain way and then they come back to you in pieces, years after they are gone. Some come in dreams, others come in places, a few in songs here and there, and many on occasions and festivals.

Here is the interesting thing about life: It kicks you down, in fact it kicks you while you are down. It brutally bashes you and breaks your bones - one at a time - so that you do not miss out on the pain. Life is not a disaster, it is a slow torture. But just when you think that you cannot go on any longer, and life is convinced that you have given up, it brings you flowers and tend to your wounds and helps you get up on your feet only to knock you down some other time.



 At the end of it all, it is such a humbling experience.